Wistful Wednesday

 So I'm going to tell you about my Wednesday.  I don't have cooking stories.  I don't have pictures.  I don't have videos.  In fact, it's probably really boring.  But it was really important to me.  I think God's showing up in my life more and more.  So I'm gonna share.  It's a lot of reading.  Sorry!  I hope you enjoy it or get something out of it.

I got up today, made breakfast, as usual.  Didn't get gym clothes because I was going to a church function later after work instead of working out.  Grabbed leftovers for lunch..wasn't even enough.  Whatev's.  It was one of those days where I forgot to put on my caring face.  (A waiter here at Austin actually told my group that once after he screwed up our bill twice...lol)

So I got to work.  Finally got some stuff submitted.  But then I was stuck the majority of the day on this one thing I was trying to find.  I was trying really hard not to give up and ask my mentor. I was trying really hard to be patient and find it myself.  I was trying really hard to put it in perspective, and cut myself some slack.  I was getting really fed up with feeling like an idiot.

Eventually, around 2pm, I realized I was going absolutely nowhere.  I finally asked, and of course I was looking in entirely the wrong place.  Then we had a meeting.

After the meeting, I went back to my cube to start actually working rather than searching, making some more progress for the day.  Progress is always good.  During this, I started to ponder.  What am I doing here in Texas?  What do I do these days?  I'm either getting worked up about my own incompetence, fantasizing about how ninjas will ambush our office and we'll all pull out wands and swords and battle them, thinking about how much I miss my friends and family in Illinois, or daydreaming about Magic.  I started thinking about what difference I could make in this world.  I thought about all the money I could give away....but that's it.  And I realized how little I could actually do with that.  I just felt...useless.

After some more progress, I shared with my mentor some of it, and got some more direction.  And I shared with him my frustrations a bit, and he affirmed my efforts, assuring me that at least the things I'm doing are actually helping him a bit.  He didn't really have to say any of that.  But he did.  Not all engineers are socially inept without a sense of compassion.  I think I'm rather blessed.

As the day drew to a close, I was anxious to leave right at 5, because our church group was going bowling tonight really far away at 7, and I was going to have to battle traffic.  After battling the traffic just to get home, we get ready, and we leave just around 6.  Just enough time to get there, I'd say.

On the way there, my car felt a little shaky.  I felt like there were times it veered off a bit.  Nothing major, but it didn't feel right.  Then again, my car is old.  I'm also paranoid ever since I was in that blowout two years ago.

As we head north on the highway, we finally hit the traffic jam, which was to be expected.  It was moving though, which is doubleplusgood.  By the time we start nearing 35th street, with still a while to go, BEEEEP.  

"WHAT?!?" That's always my response when I don't know what's going on after someone beeps at me. I look to my right.  There's a woman.  She wants me to roll down my window.  I fumble for the button while I'm still driving...there we go!  Window rolls down...

"Your rear left tire is really low!!!"
"...Oh, my God, thank you so much, thanks so much!!"

I KNEW IT!!! AHH.  Thank you Jesus for watching out for me. Thank you so much. Thanks so much for that woman.  She rocks.  I think since there's not a level surface in Austin, it makes sense that I didn't notice it earlier. Still, she'd only tell me that if it was really low.  So, I decide that this is a high priority.  I get off at the next exit at 35th street.

Now, I had only been on 35th street a little before.  I was trying desperately to find a gas station...and there were hills and bumps EVERYWHERE.  And no gas stations.  Poor tire...hang on buddy! I take a random left at a light.

...frick...frick...FRICK so many houses! Come on, just one gas station.  Wait...is that..it is!  I pull in, and the nice gas station attendant confirms that the hose I see on the ground is indeed air.  Success!  I get my gauge out, check my front tires first.  Good.  Check my bad tire...wow, doesn't even get a reading.  Ok, buddy, time to get air!

"G, turn the hose on when I plug it in."
(plug in, noises, switch, no noises, switch, noises)
"...it was already on."
"Oh ok.  Let's just fill it up then..."
*30-45 seconds pass*
"K, let's get a reading..."
(take off hose)
PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"...dear hobbits and halflings, why is it leaking so much air?"
(take reading anyway)
"...crap it's still leaking!"
"Maybe put the cap on?"
(take it off, put cap on)
"..why is it still leaking!? Come on! Here G, take the cap, try to do something. I'mma call my dad."
"..Dad?  Hey." (tell story) "And now....crap....it's actually flat now.  This isn't even drivable."
"...you're gonna have to change the tire.  Do you have a spare in the back?"
"...YES. I didn't realize I'd ever have to actually use that thing."
"Yeah...well, this'll be a good experience for you."
"Heh..yeah, right.  Well there goes bowling for tonight.  Gotta get this fixed now...thanks Dad, bye."

Someone call the freakin' waaaambulance, cause' I was hungry, cranky, stressed, hot (not in the good way), and all sorts of pissy.  We get the tire out, and thank you Lord again for G, because all of those tools came natural to him it seemed.  Him and S also had a flat before.  So he knew a few things.  Long story short, it all gets fixed without a hitch.  Took some time, but we did it!  And we got so much XP, that we gained a level in Mechanic! 

At that point, I just didn't feel like trying to reach out in my church group.  It takes even me a lot of energy to try to get really into socializing with everyone there, and I just didn't have it at that point.  So we decided to head home, and grab food on the way there.  What's this....A Jack In The Box?? You don't say!
*swerve*

So G and I decide to get some fine dining, and grab Jack in the Box.  It was really quiet there.  Kind of nice.  As we're there, I get the impression that maybe some of the people that are there don't actually have homes.  But I'm not sure.  I could just be insensitive.  Nonetheless, I start thinking about stuff from earlier at work.  What AM I doing here?  Worried about fitting in a church, fretting over my stupid flat tire, chowing down on this burger...and then I realize, I've eaten practically every day of my life.  I've had all sorts of good and bad habits.  Working out, nail picking, video games, but eating is one of those things that I've just done everyday.  And for some people, that's unfathomable.  And here I am, worrying about my stupid crap.  What am I contributing to anything?  I can throw money at problems, but that can only do so much.  It's not like I'm Steve Jobs or something.

Well...whatever.  We wrap up. G gets another refill before we take off.  We open the door, step out, and there's that guy that was in there earlier who wasn't talking.  He has something written down on a piece of cardboard.  I was so startled, I read it quickly. I didn't get the whole thing, but basically, he wanted food.  Communicating with him was a little challenging, but he read lips real well.
"You want food?"
*nods*
"Uh..ok, what do you want?"
*Points at big sign on the window which says "The Really Big Chicken Sandwich Combo, $3.99"*
"You want that?"
*nods vigorously with a smile*
"Ok, just hold on."

So, he comes in and waits by the door while I order the food.  It's a huge sandwich, and a ton of fries, and a drink, and it's not even 5 bucks? Crazy.  While we wait, I ask him his name, where he's from, and stuff.  He only mumbles a word once in a while.  He mouths and signs the rest.  I got: his name is Billy (I think), something about losing his house, he sleeps outside nearby, he's from California, he rows a boat somewhere, and that's about it.  He then asked me to make sure it was in a bag, because he needed to...do something outside?  I didn't get it.  But yes, I reassured him, it's going to be all in a bag.  I also got him his drink.  He wanted Dr. Pepper, it seemed.  Got it.

Foods ready.  I grab it, give it to him.
"Alright...here you go.  Well uh...I guess we're gonna head back home now, so you have a great night, ok?"
(signs and mouths "Thank you")

I then shook his hand, and then I saw it.  He didn't just scamper off, away with his prize.  He was really happy.  Like, really happy.  I saw it in his eyes.  As I walked toward my car, I choked up a bit.  I think that guy was happy to converse with me.  And honestly...I was really happy to converse with him too. 

As I mentioned before...I've been struggling to understand what purpose I have now that I'm out of college.  In college, it was crazy.  Meeting people left and right, watching people encounter loving community and mature in faith and going deeper with each other and with God.  But now...it's been as if my presence here in Austin has had little impact at all. I just want to know that God has something in store for my life down here.
 
Honestly, this whole encounter wasn't that big of a deal.  All I did was just ask some questions and spend less than $5. I did was most of you would probably have done. But I saw some light in some guy's eyes.  And it was really touching. And I thank God that He let me be part of something that actually mattered to someone.

:)